Ineligible Guy [Don McLean feat. D.
The Nathan Fien debacle has been the talk of the Kiwis’ Tri-Nations campaign of 2006. Much has been discussed from both sides, including Selwyn Bennett’s famed “a grandmother and a great-grandmother are the same thing” defence – something akin to that of the Wookiee defence, no doubt. When I sat down with Don McLean the other day, he really felt we needed to write a song about it. Unfortunately, he had lost his guitar tuner, so we had to take his only hit song and rearrange the lyrics…
– D.
To the theme of ‘American Pie’ by Don McLean.
VERSE:
Not so long ago
Nathan Fien put up his hand
To represent the black and white
A relative from Wanganui
Earned the call up from coach Bluey
And management said that was alright
But the rules said something other
The woman wasn’t his grandmother
The NZRL, they knew this
But they failed to construe this
The media, they raised the question
The Kiwis hid their indiscretion
Avoiding a full confession
T'was the day the Kiwis lied
CHORUS:
And I was thinkin’
Why why, the rules Bennett defied?
First he wrote them, then he broke them
Then he openly lied
He risked our title, putting it on the line
Vainly trying to save his own hide
Vainly trying to save his own hide
VERSE:
The Kiwis made a big mistake
While looking for a makeshift rake
And the Queensland-born lad they chose to take
They took the player by his word
And their defence was just absurd
Leaving Kiwi fans in their wake
Now Nathan Fien, he wasn’t valid
His selection made many pallid
The Aussies made a query
And were told “Oh, quite contrary!”
Selwyn Bennett played the fool
Misinterpreting his own rule
The NZRL lost the duel
Our integrity died
CHORUS:
Fat lady singin’
Bye bye, Fien, ineligible guy
Tried to fake it, didn't make it
And it just didn't fly
So we lost our points, and a lot of our pride
While all regrets Bennett denied
All regrets Bennett denied
VERSE:
The RLIF, they went to task
Because they were not afraid to ask
Why management was hiding behind a mask
We were found guilty by the board
And Bennett duly fell on his sword
In last year’s glory we could no longer bask
So they erased the points from our win
And punished us for our foolish sin
They sent Nathan Fien away
The Aussie hooker couldn’t stay
So we were left to fight alone
As Fien and Bennett were disowned
To defend our earned Tri-Nations throne
And roar a strong war cry
CHORUS:
The Kiwis screamin’
“My, my, it’s time to arise
Time for standing, now we’re banding
To the Aussies’ demise
Let’s make them bear the brunt of our mighty ire
Making amends for those up high
Making amends for those up high”
VERSE:
Well Nathan Fien, yeah, he'll be back
Wearing his chosen white and black
And adding starch to our attack
But for now we’ve got to fight this war
And fight like we’ve never fought before
To get international league back on track
They’ll do the talking on the field
Until the victory has been sealed
They’ll fight on with ambition
And beat their foes into submission
And the players I view as the best
Wiki, Jones, and all the rest
Will make the Kangaroos regret
The day the Kiwis lied
CHORUS:
And we were thinkin’
Why why, the rules Bennett defied?
First he wrote them, then he broke them
Then he openly lied
He risked our title, putting it on the line
Vainly trying to save his own hide
Vainly trying to save his own hide
Fat lady singin’
Bye bye, Fien, ineligible guy
Tried to fake it, didn't make it
And it just didn't fly
So we lost our points, and a lot of our pride
While all regrets Bennett denied
All regrets Bennett denied
The Kiwis screamin’
“My, my, it’s time to arise
Time for standing, now we’re banding
To the Aussies’ demise
Let’s make them bear the brunt of our mighty ire
Making amends for those up high
Making amends for those up high”
Copyright 2006 Kickoff Records. Available at all bad music stores, and one or two good ones may have been foolish enough to put it on their shelves, too.
